Tips On How To Get Real

One good way of unravelling who you are is finding out who you are not. It’s time to be real. Putting on a mask and ensuring it becomes glued will only make you lose sight of who you really are. The mask becomes a comfortable substitute.

Masks prevent you from sharing the most valuable gift you have. That gift is the real you. A distorted replica simply can’t replace the real you.

Inorder to have a deeper and healthy connection with yourself and with others,you may need to unmask.

John Powell author of Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am? says this: “Most of us feel that others will not tolerate such emotional honesty in Communication. We would rather defend our honesty on the grounds that it might hurt others and havingp rationalized our phoniness into nobility, we settle for superficial relationships.”

In as much as you desire to have some people around your life,it will be unwise to think you can earn their relationship by being a pseudo or putting on a mask so that you can be accepted. This will only draw you back and make you feel less of yourself.

When you are always seeking for attention from people, then,you are only sabotaging your true hapiness. The only time you can truly be happy is when you are real with yourself.

Are you hyper-vigilant about what others think of you and how to please them? Do you seek approval about your figure,the clothes you wear,the size of your home,the car you drive,and how much money you earn? Be honest-will you do almost anything to get the approval of others? This is a big issue. You are the approval-seeker individual. This mask is most common and the individuals who wear it are pleasing and agreeable. They have difficulty setting boundaries because the needs of everyone else is more important than her own. Their stance is, “You count,I don’t.”

Truly,almost everyone of us desire to be liked but when this desire overrides everything else,the life becomes focused on how other people react and respond to them. They try to make themselves uncomfortable inorder for others to be comfortable. The approval-seeker mask is their way of getting attention. However,deep inward,they feel unlovable.This isn’t healthy in any way.

Really,if your personal life story,including your deficiencies became headline news in a national newspaper,how many people would care? Not many-most people are far too busy figuring out how to make their own lives work.

Here are my tips for pulling off the mask:

  • Commit to shifting your focus

It is time for you to move the focus from others to you. This is not being selfish or egocentric. It’s about finding a healthy equilibrium between meeting your own needs and genuinely serving others.The approval-seeker can be deluding and time-wasting. Instead of looking inwards and honoring your individuality,you prefer to allow others receive the applause.Is this really what you are about? Sometimes,the people you are trying to seek approval from may only want to inflate your ego but inwardly,they don’t like the idea of you coming around to seek their opinion.

  • Boost your self-confidence

Always allow others to see you as you really are,not as you manipulate them to see you.

When you have self-confidence,you don’t need to struggle to win the approval of people.Their approval comes to you naturally.

To have self-confident is to believe in oneself without waiting on others.

Lack of self-confidence makes you appear ordinary to people and this is not a good thing.

Letting others think and do for you only makes things worse.If your self-confidence is low,you will always come up short.

  • Get In touch with your emotions

It’s okay to respect your feelings and for others to do same. You don’t need to apologize for having them.

Do try and speak up honestly and openly on issues that bothers you or is of huge importance to your well-being and don’t feel threatened or odd about it. Being real is the best thing that can ever happen to you. Afterall,you have got nothing to lose. Remember,you are only trying to seek for the opinions of others and most times,they don’t count. Let your behavior reflect your honesty with the people in your life.

When you are absorbed by what others think of you,the reality is that you are making the situation all about you.

“What do they think of me? No wonder people perceive this behavior as being self-centered.
If you must know,the universe does not revolve around you.The people in your life are not spending all day thinking about you unless are seriously ill or in the middle of a crisis.

  • Take care of yourself first

Taking care of yourself must be consciously considered when it comes to having a healthy and balanced life.You have to be available to yourself first before you are to others. This may mean setting a boundary.

The reason many people find it difficult to set boundaries is that they get stuck in the rut if wanting approval. “But I need you to like me…”

The need for constant approval will rob you of your self-respect and self-esteem. Being afraid to do or say something that might disappoint or hurt someone is no way to live. If you keep collapsing your boundary so that the people in your life will love you more,they will eventually stop trusting you and you will end up resenting them. This is a big lose-lose scenario. Keep reminding yourself that you are of more value to them when you love yourself. You cannot give what you don’t have.

Though this will take time and courage to do but the real you will be glad you did.

Between Love And Infatuation

To fall in love with someone is a beautiful experience especially when same is being reciprocated. However,when it comes to infatuation,it’s a different ball game.

Here’s a checklist to help you decide if you and your partner are in love, or merely infatuated.

Love does not seek to push itself into the spotlight,but gracefully works in humility for the general wellbeing.

Infatuation is always self-seeking and self-promoting.

Love does not display excessive self-esteem. It is neither arrogant nor conceited. Love isn’t condescending towards men of low status.

Infatuation is limited in self-evaluation and thus likely to be arrogant and conceited. It could be high-handed inorder to protect what is perceived as it’s own at any cost.

Love is attentive to good manners and proper behavior. It enables people to be free from self-inflicted slavery(self-centeredness,sinful patterns,past hurts,and other self-imposed limitations).

Infatuation is self-consuming and inattentive to good manners and proper behavior.

Love is not concerned exclusively with itself. It takes into consideration the interest of the other person.It listens to the feelings of others and is ready to resolve any conflict. Love makes sacrifices for the well-being of others.

Infatuation is relenting,self-oriented,pursuing personal interest and poised mostly to resolve conflict from that perspective, and expect sacrifices to be made by others.

Love is not easily angered. Love is gentle and soft with words even in the face of provocation.

Infatuation is a fertile ground for offence as the partners are only ‘in love’ with a false idea. Expectations are often disappointed.

Love always does good and brings happiness and joy to the other person.

Infatuation is susceptible to suspicion and doubt and brings unhappiness to the other person.

Love is not hasty or impetuous. It bears pain or exists calmly.

Infatuation is hasty and impetuous. It doesn’t suffer long.

Love allows room for disagreement. It cultivates an atmosphere of freedom where peace is still maintained even regarding issues involving differing opinions.

Infatuation says, “My opinion counts here and should be honoured.” It generates and cultivates an atmosphere of fear,which ultimately kills love. There’s no freedom to express opinions differing from that of a domineering partner.

Love doesn’t keep record of wrong doing committed by others.It understands that no one is perfect.

Infatuation often dwells on wrongs committed by others.

Love is being loyal and committed to a person or cause irrespective of the challenges.

Infatuation does not respond to loyalty. It is therefore flighty at the emergence of a challenge.

Love unsuspiciously believes all that is not proven false. Love is ever ready to believe the best of every person.

Infatuation breeds suspicion and easily see faults.

Love faces difficulties,confronts opposition with calmness and is not discouraged.

Infatuation discovers techniques to avoid difficulties when in opposition and to run when confronted by discouragement.

Love breeds unity between two people.

Infatuation encourages disharmony between two people.

Love never cease. It never ends

Infatuation has a lifespan.

Love doesn’t criticize,but complements the weakness of others. It focuses more on the positive attributes of the other person.

Infatuation in the face of it’s own insecurities is quick to highlight other people’s weaknesses.

Love is not given to flattery

Infatuation is given to flattery inorder to draw attention away from personal inadequacies.

Love always upholds the truth. It rejoices when right and truth prevails.

Infatuation will hide the truth to cover up wrong-doing.

Love is not covetous of material things.

Infatuation seeks material things to substantiate a relationship and obtain approval.

Love respects and behaves in a manner that is honourable to every man.

Infatuation encourages dishonorable behavior.

Love provides a helping hand. It seeks to know and meet the needs of the other person.It also seeks to protect and give guidance to the other person.

Infatuation is more exploitative and demanding.

Love provides time in which people can grow ,change,and adapt together. Love is working,playing, and learning to do things with the other person.

Infatuation does not encourage an environment for growth,change,and adaptation. It expects perfection.

What does love mean to you?The danger of a word that means different things to different people is that they may end up meaning everything and nothing. Two people may profess love to each other but still have different ideas of what they are talking about. Is love really that elusive?

A measure of the love you share with somebody can be determined or evaluated by how you feel when you are with him or her.

Love can make or break people so you need to be careful when interpreting your feelings.

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