“I can fix her though she has temper problem. I’ll fix him though he is overly aggressive.” No one can make it happen except me. She feels so secured in my world and I am so certain she can become better.” If she doesn’t afterall.
This is a rescue fantasy. Do you really think you can change that man or the woman in your life? Trying to be a fixer only drains you of your energy and turns you to a frustrated fella. At the end of the day,the fixer becomes the fix and the drama continues.
Change is hardwork and when it doesn’t happen as we often anticipate,unhappiness sets in. Unhappiness leads to growing dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction can set the stage for separation or divorce as the case may be.
Most relationships fall into the category of the rescue instinct . And most times,the women are the victims. The men are left to be treated and pampered like a baby. The need to massage a man’s ego before you demand for anything is really a frustrating ritual for most women. Nevertheless, your response to your partner’s behavior is critical to the success of your relationships. Too often,spouses try to change the other person through the rescue instinct. This is a losing proposition. The advice here is for you to change your behavior first then you will see it manifest in the other person. Whatever you are struggling with in your relationship evidences that you need to have a change yourself.
In so doing,you find the missing link and soon realise there was never a challenge anyway.
You have a job to figure out on how to keep the good parts of your partner and lose the not-so-good part and do not try to force them into the good parts role. Let it come naturally else you may find yourself in the circle of stone-walling,criticisms,and resentment. You can never get the perfect match for your life,but only those who will complement your personality default.You have got to appreciate God for bringing those people into your life because He never make mistakes. He is the master chess player and He can fix anybody anywhere inorder for Him to actualise His purpose. Remember,you weren’t born a rescuer or a fixer though your upbringing may have set the stage for it. As a little girl,you were taught by your mother to always look after your younger ones, to keep the house tidy,and to let the boys be in their world. These instinct grows up with you and become an integral part of your daily living and so,for any relationship you find yourself in,there is always the nudge to fix something or rescue someone.That could be very frustrating and saps you of your own uniqueness and power.Believe God to help you transform your relationship and never nurse the feeling that you can do it yourself.