If you are looking forward to marriage someday,the chances of having in-laws are high.
Most people have traded blames on their in-laws for the way their marriages turned out.
It is a well-known fact that in-laws can be a determining factor in the success of a marriage as they become part of your life once the knot has been tied.
To avoid in-law problems in marriage,you may need to address the following issues:
- How Do My Parents Feel About This Person?
What your parents think about the person you intend to marry is very important. Their approval is also necessary. If they disapprove your choice,it’s a warning signal.
- How Do I Or My Intended Feel About Co-Habitation?
The question is,do you intend to bring some of your relatives to stay with you? How does your intended spouse feel towards such decision? Is there an agreement on this? What if your parents become old and lose the ability to support themselves? Matters like these should not be disregarded.
- Can I Live With My In-Laws?
While courting,it is imperative that you pay each other regular visits.This will enable you to see the way your partner’s parents behave towards each other,towards their children and towards strangers.Are they welcoming?Are they domineering? This is the time to find out?
- Does My Intended Spouse Make It A Habit To Always Involve His Or Her Family In Our Descisions?
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with involving one’s family in personal decisions. The danger lies in overdoing it.If your partner involves his or her parents or relatives in every issues,no matter how inconsequential, the chances are that,when you become married,your home will be run from their end.
- Does My Partner Respect My Parents?
It should be important to you that your partner respects your parents and hold them in high regard. If he or she disregard or disrespect your parents,you are not heading for a good union with him or her.
- Do I have Parents Who Are Entirely Dependent On Me?
If your response is in the affirmative,do you have enough income to cater for their welfare?If you,in turn,are dependent on your partner,ensure that he or she is willing and able to take care of them in a manner you are most comfortable with. Needless to say,this is a volatile situation,so ensure you discuss it.
- Do The Parents On Either Side Respect One Another?
The way your partner’s parents see your parents will determine to a great extent how they will treat you.If they have high regard for your parents,it will rub off on you,but if it is otherwise,you may not mean much to them either.
- Do I feel Comfortable In The Presence Of My Intended In-law?
You will have to deal with these people for the rest of your life if you eventually become married,so if their presence overwhelms or cows you into a situation or mood of any sort,a relationship with them may be difficult.Your partner’s parents are a great part of your support system.If you cannot be yourself in their presence,then something is wrong.
- Ensure Your Partner’s Culture Do Not Permit The Transfering Of Wife,Children, or Property To His Brother Or Family At His Death
- Will My Partner’s Family Have A Positive Impact On Me?
How is your intended in-law seen in public? Do they belong to the high echeleon in the society? Are they well spoken of and respected? Remember that marriage is a fusion of two families.Whatever one of them is known for,will definitely rub off on the other.
- Does My Partner Regard My Parents As His Own?
How does your intended spouse treat your parents? Does he or she sees them as different from his or her own? Does he or she seek their advice or opinion on things? If your intended discriminates between your parents and his or her own,he or she will not seek their comfort,health,happiness,or closeness,which will invariably affect you.
- Does My Partner’s Parents Speak To Him Or Her In A Foreign Language when I Am Around?
If you with your partner are from different cultures or races,a langauge which both of you are familiar with should be employed by both of you in all manner of communication.
If your intended in-law speak to him or her in a dialect you cannot seem to understand each time you are around,when it is clear to you that they could communicate in a language you understand,this is a danger sign.It communicates a certain level of unacceptance. Franctic effort should be made by,especially by the woman to start learning the partner’s language even before marriage.(nothing is lost if the marriage doesn’t take place). She may otherwise be marginalized at all family gatherings and it will be difficult to be effective in a role either as a young wife.
You also have to determine which language will come first for the children.
- Ensure Your Intended In-Law Do Not Take Part In Any Fetish Practices Or Intended To Impose Them On You.
You must not be carried away by love that you allow yourself to be lured into practices that are unwholesome and morally unethical.