Looking at marriages,couples also complain about loss of sexual interest.Usually it is the wife who reports low or no sexual desire. Although men have this complaint as well.Both husband and wife may feel passion is gone.Frustated and even ashamed,they are bewildered as to how their passion dwindled to almost nothing.The immediate assumption is that something terrible is wrong in the relationship.There must be a deep hidden emotional problem that only Freud could understand! Interesting.
In many cases,relationship issues are the key to unlocking lost passion and renewing sexual interest.When you are constantly criticized or belittled,it is hard to feel passionate toward that person.If contempt has set in,the last thing on your mind is a meaningful sexual encounter.But for some couples,understanding the biology of desire helps.It’s possible to be deeply in love with your spouse and have low sexual desire. Don’t confuse your lack of desire with lost love. Here’s why.
Desire differences are normal. Relationships usually begin with intense passion.Initially,you overlook the fact that he can’t make a move without consulting his mother,or thay she really is obsessed with shopping.Afterall,you are in love.Initial passion or infatuation does burn intensely because of neurochemistry behind it.
According to experts,infatuation lasts about eighteen to thirty- six months for most couples.Your hidden biology is thought to be the cause.
Although the theory is based on animal studies,research psychiatrist Micheal Liebowitz at New York state Psychiatric institute believes biochemical attraction goes this way: You meet someone to whom you are attracted.The attraction causes your brain to become saturated with certain neurotransmitters that stimulate desire.This is called romantic love.
What couples often fail to understand is that the burning fire of passion eventually simmers.This cool down,if not understood,may leave you feeling disillusioned and distressed.Hormones play a role.Take testoteron for example.This steroid hormone produced by both sexes correlates strongly with desire.After initial infatuation burns off,a low-testoterone woman can feel sexually disinterested.
Men,on the other hand,have ten times the testosterone levels as women.(Women have lower amounts but are more sensitive to the hormone)Their Testoteron levels drop gradually with age but are genetically determined by the sensitivity of androgen receptors in the genitals. Typically,men have stronger desire than women.Of course,there are exceptions to this rule.
As I mentioned above,during the time of infatuation,neurotransmitter release in the brain is time limited.This means the chemical “love cocktail” eventually wears off.For some people,their normal sexual desire is masked at the beginning of a relationship because of initial infatuation. Afterwards,testerone levels play an important part in ongoing desire.If you are a high T person married to a low T,you may have problems. Why? Because a high T desires sex more often than a low T.Low T people begin to question their love for their spouses.They also blame themselves for lack of desire.
Thus,sometimes,lack of sexual desire can be related to hormones. Instead of just assuming your relationship is deeply troubled,consider the role biochemistry may play.All low desire isn’t a result of relationship problems or deep intrapsychic issues.
No matter what the cause,most of us have to work on sustaining sexual interest includes physical as well as relationship factors.
The point of this brief discussion about the role of biochemistry is simply this: Don’t always assume that the lack of passion is strictly relationship based. In most cases,relationship factors play a major role.But in some cases,hormones may be involved.Remember to consider your phsiology before you determine lost passion is related to lost love.