As American writer,Charles Orlando puts it,”If they aren’t treating you right,it’s time to stop blaming them. You decide your worth. So if you don’t want to be a doormat,get off the floor.”
An issue which must receive serious thought and consideration is that of respect. Mutual respect in marriage will determine to a great extent how a family turns out. To regard a person with deference or esteem,you need to have an appreciable level of respect for such a person. Mutual submission should not be an issue if you respect your partner and hold him or her in high esteem. Some important questions which should be resolved include:
- Can I proudly introduce my spouse-to-be to my friends?
You must understand that any man or woman you are not proud of,you won’t respect and therefore will not appreciate.
- Do I know my partner’s strength and weaknesses?
Mostly,we identify quickly with a person’s strengths without sparing a second thought for his or her weak points. Find out what his or her weak points are,for this will enable you to determine if you can live with this person for the rest of your life.
Besides,if you cannot celebrate his or her weak points as well as his or her strengths,you may not be compatible. Marriage is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. The way you handle your spouse’s fault and weaknesses will determine the successes or failures of your marriage.
- Do I relate to this person as a friend?
Is the person you want to marry really your friend? Are you free to be vulnerable with him or her? Can you really be yourself with him or her? Remember that marriage is all about friendship. Marry your best friend.
- Do I accept his or her friends as my friends?
If you cannot accept your partner’s friends,you need to watch out. There has to be something about him or her you don’t know,for him or her to be comfortable among such friends. Birds of the same feather flock together.
- Is there mutual giving and sharing in this relationship?
If you are the one doing all the giving ,or even the receiving,the relationship is not balanced. People express love to their mates in relation to the satisfaction they feel in marriage.
- How does my partner relate to his or her friends?
Does he or she run down his or her friends or does he or she speak well of them? He or she may likely do the same to you.
- How does my partner relate to siblings(junior and senior)?
The way a person relates to siblings both younger and older will tell you about his or her character. Is he or she autocratic, caring,or non chalant? You need to find out.
- Do I like the way he or she makes decisions?
The decision made in a marriage,especially those of the man as the head of the family,will invariably affect the rest of the family. If you do not like the way decisions are made,if you are not involved in the decision-making,this is the time to speak out. If things do not change,you may need to reconsider whether to go ahead with the wedding.
- Would I really be delighted to marry this person?
Each time you think of getting married to this person,you should be excited. If you are not,then something is wrong. You will do well to marry somebody you cannot live without,not just somebody you can live with.
- Do I respect him or her?
Respect begets love. If you do not have respect for this person,then love has no chance in your union.
- Do we bring out the best in each other?
Do you encourage and inspire each other to greater heights? How does your presence or intervention affects his or her performance? This is very important.
- Am I constantly in conflict with authority?
If you are someone who has been in constant conflict with your parents,your seniors,and your superiors in the office or school,you really need to work on your rebellious nature.
Marriage entails submission on the one hand,love and understanding on the other.
- Is my intended spouse responsible, honorable,and dependable?
How much has he or she been able to abide by his or her word? Saying one thing and doing another the next minute means that his or her word has llittle meaning. Such a person cannot be relied upon.
- Do we pay each other compliments?
Compliments are essential in any good relationship.
Does your intended spouse commend your efforts no matter how insignificant they are,or tell you how good you are looking in that new dress? Praise and honour are the masculine counterparts of feminine submission. Every human being needs compliments and not paying them shows insensitivity.
- Will I be sapped of my individuality, personality,creativity,dreams,and hopes,self-respect,dignity,and significance?
Have you seen any indication of this in your courtship? Be careful of partners who are always talking about themselves and wants you to conform to their ways.
- Do I trust my partner?
If you do not trust your partner,it will be impossible to give him or her your heart. This means that there can be no intimacy and therefore,no basis for a marriage.
- Am I willing to be submissive to this man?
It is a divine injunction for the woman to be submissive to her husband (Eph.5:22-23). It is her spiritual response that eencourages her husband to fulfill his spiritual role. However,you have to determine if he is the kind of man you can submit to without feeling slighted. If you don’t respect him,don’t marry him.
- Am I treated as an inferior,superior,or equal partner?
If your partner treats you like an inferior person, he or she will be domineering and insensitive. If he or she sees you as superior, he or she is going to be timid,lacking in confidence and may never take the initiative. The person you commit your life to,should see you as an equal partner.