Handling The Deceptive Comfort Of Past Misgivings

Most people would rather live with old problems than new solutions. We would rather be comfortable than be correct; or rather stay in a routine than make changes.

Until we are familiar with stepping out of our comfort zones,we cannot get any better.Roots of rejection must not be suppressed,solutions can only be found when you open up and talk.

I am not necessarily saying that people go on a revisit to their past-It is wisdom sometimes to forget the past. But if there’s a pattern in your behavior that is negative and disturbing,it is advisable that you take a closer look at it. Until you deal with the root,you cannot deal with the fruits.

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Your Life is your Responsibilty

It’s the responsibility of everyone therefore to watch the pattern of their behavior keenly and cut out those areas that are unfavourable. I figure that this may be challenging for some people because a lot of us are better able to criticize the faults of others,but are uncomfortable when the spotlight is on us. It is not enough to trade blames with the people in your life for your problems. You must take responsibility and do something about it. That was what happened to Helen,a new friend of mine. She was sensitive to rejection and thus became reclusive and detached from her present environment.Somehow,she began to feel some level of discomfort and knew something wasn’t right about her lode which was gradually falling into a dangerous pattern. She made frantic effort to seek for answers to her predicament and in the process, learnt that she was rejected by her father while she was a baby.

If she hadn’t taken responsibility, she wouldn’t have had the slightest idea of what led to her predicament. She could as well accepted everything as normalcy and moved on with life

Today,she is a counsellor on rejection-related issues because she had received help. We can only give the comfort that we have received.

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Likewise,we may need to deal with our issues before we can be confident to help others.

A rejected past will blight your future relationships

It is a well-known fact that our upbringing will impact the way we behave to others if they are not addressed. Ultimately,when you have inadequacy problems,you do not appreciate love and compliments.Even when you are paid a compliment,it often appear as false all because you struggle with self-acceptance.

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When we feel rejected,we tend to react in certain predictable ways. We often become angry,hold grudges against people and find it hard to forgive them. Feelings of resentment from lack of forgiveness only feeds a poor self image. Ask God to show you people you need to forgive. They may have hurt you deeply,but by forgiving them,you are freeing yourself to receive God’s forgiveness and restoration in your own life. At other time,rejected people find it difficult to forgive themselves,assuming that they deserve the ill-treatment people are metting out on them. This in turn makes them feel they have been rejected by God too.

These are perfectly understandable reactions,but they are not appropriate responses. In the end,they do not really do much beyond simply heaping more painful emotions- anger,self-contempt,and bitterness. Being resentful or angry with others or yourself will not take away the hurt rather learning how to respond to rejection will.

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This is how you can respond to it.

  • Watch The need for acceptance

Just as each of us long for the basic need for food,likewise,we desire the need for acceptance. It is the need for this that makes us prone to rejection.

A thoughtless,seemingly harmless word spoken by a parent to a child can result into rejection.

Only God can meet your emotional needs. He is sufficient for all situations including the need to be accepted and approved.We can not attribute our worth as an individual by the opinion of others. If we do,we are doomed to disappointment and rejection.

As American actress, Tracee Ellis Ross said, “As I get older,the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others and choose compassion over judgement, and curiosity over fear.”

  • Understand the person behind the challenge

A basic understanding of the personalities is a vital tool in dealing with them. This is because people can easily resort to the pleasures of illicit sex or drug abuse in an attempt to heal the pain from the scars of the past. For example,an adoscelent who turns to masturbation to block the pain of rejection he experienced from his peers; a woman who finds solace in a lesbian relationship which caters to her hatred for men through years of sexual abuse from her father;or a person who becamepromiscuous in an attempt to find the love and affirmation she lacked from her parents especially her father

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You must not expect that everyone would come out of traumatic experiences at the same time or pace.Some people by nature,hurt easier and deeper than others,but others quickly overcome offence or hurts. No one should be judged or condemned. When you come to understand all these differences,it will help you in dealing better with anyone that comes to your space.

Published by M'bolla

Omobola Stephen is a writer,blogger and an author. She's the host of Life Well lived by Omobola Stephen. She loves meeting people,reading and mentoring.

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