Infidelity is not a topic most of us want to think about especially when we are engaged or newly married.Who wants to think about their wedding day and think,” This person could betray me”?But betrayal is a reality every couple must confront.
So what is Infidelity? It is an act of the heart,a break of trust,a physical breach of the marital vows.
“Too Far” Is When You Can’t Tell your Spouse!
Peter was a bright guy who found himself restless and bored at work. He began flirting with a co-worker.They went everywhere together and in no time became physically involved.But they never had sexual intercourse. Afraid he might step over his self-imposed line,Peter came to Therapy. His first question was,” Have I really been unfaithful to my wife? I haven’t had intercourse. Though we ‘ve done a lot of kissing and fondling,but does it really count?”
I asked Tom, “If you told your wife what you just told me,what would be her response?” Silence. Peter knew the answer.
Infidelity Is More Than Sex
Infidelity is a breach of trust,a breaking of the convenant,a betrayal of the relationship.It goes beyond sexual intercourse to include the physical,emotional,and thought life of a person.
God wants you to be faithful to your spouse. Jesus takes a hard line on extramarital relationships, addressing both the heart and impure thoughts.(Math 5:27-28,19:18-19).
I know this sounds incredible in our society. I have seen people laugh at the notion.Why? Because lust,the root of infidelity is encouraged in our secularized culture.
But Infidelity requires meeting a need outside the boundary of your convenant. You find someone who attracts you for one reason or the other and you experience desire for such person.A conscious choice is made to entertain the desire and toy with it. When desire is entertained,the outcome is usually gratification. Once you choose to do this,the line is crossed.
Infidelity is almost always draped in secrecy and lies. The marital vow is breached and the cover-up begins. Obviously this breeds guilt but then this guilt must be pushed out of the mind inorder to continue the infidelity.A vicious cycle ensues-extramarital involvement,lying,cover-up.
Whether affairs are secretive or out in the open,they are damaging and create significant family crisis.
Usually affairs are fueled by:
- Marital dissatisfaction
- Family problems
- Friendships that have become too close.
- Falling in love with another person.
- Physical seperation.
- Decline in spiritual intimacy with God.
- Lust for sexual fulfilment.
- Search for True self-Identity.
- Liberal values.
- Escape from reality
- Satanic Influence
Oftentimes,sex is not the primary purpose of an affair,friendship and closeness are.
Healthy Marriage Strategies
- Admit the affair.
- Block every avenue with the third party.
- Tell the story and give room for your evaluation and revaluation of marital vows.
- Be emphatic about it but don’t subject yourself to total condemnation.
- Reestablish your spiritual Intimacy with God.
- Be patient with your partner’s emotional process.
- Begin afresh.
Though lovers be lost,love shall not- Dylan Thomas