Courage is the power to let go of the familiar-Raymond Lindquist
- Find your voice. Form an opinion and express it. Try this no matter how comfortable it feels. Don’t just agree with someone unless you really do. Think about what you feel deep down inside. Know what you know. It may take work to identify your thoughts and feelings and then to express them. People around you may not always like who you are but that’s part of the process. Speak up.
- Do things apart from others. Don’t be afraid to be alone or do things apart from the family. You don’t need peope 24-7. If you do,then you need more work on pulling out of the emotional stickiness. You are more competent than you realize. Use your abilities and skills to shine.
- Set boundaries. Your main allegiance is to your spouse- not to your original family or friends. Dont tell them every time you breathe. Don’t . involve anyone in your business. Develop a strong couple unit.
- Don’t look to others for approval. Your family taught you what they could. Now you have to decide what is right and act on it. You don’t need their approval or anyone else’s. Work on pleasing God. He is your ultimate authority; He’s given many guidelines on how to conduct yourself in relationships.
- Think,and don’t let your emotions overpower you.When stress comes,don’t let your emotions run you. Use your head to manage your emotions. It’s human to have them,but making decisions based on them is dangerous because they are unreliable.Learn to balance your emotions and your intellect.
Of course all these effort is necessary so as to have a strong marital relationship. If you don’t define who you are before the marriage,you ‘ll have to do it during marriage. If you do it before you get married,you ‘ll most likely find a healthier partner. If you wait until you are married,both of you will most likely have to work on the issue. Self-defintition work can be accomplished within marriage. It’s just little more difficult because you ‘re dealing with your “stuff” and your partner’s “stuff” at the same time.
The myth couples believe is that they must seperate or divorce so they can find themselves. Discovering your “I” within marriage is possible with the help of a competent marriage counselor. Occasionally a therapist will recommend seperation just to sort out the stickiness. But the intent is to work on self- definition fully expecting to reconcile.
Become aware of what your family taught you,then decide to keep the healthy parts and discard those that are not.
It sucks when you know that you need to let go but you can’t because you ‘re still waiting for the impossible to happen