Boundaries can be physical,mental,emotional,or spiritual. They define limits. The purpose of personal boundaries is to separate us from others. People who don’t have healthy boundaries are often vulnerable,frightened and bombarded by life.
You need good boundaries for balance, self-protection,and especially to establish inner harmony. You also need them for building and maintaining healthy relationships,and for raising responsible kids. They are an indispensable tool in today’s invasive world.
Really if you have these sets of people in your life, you may need to have a rethink
– People who mess with your head
– Intentionally and repeatedly do things that they know upset you.
-Expect you to patronise them but refuse to patronize you.
-Can’t and won’t apologize sincerely.
-Act like the victim when confronted with their abusive behavior.
Each time you set a healthy boundary,you say YES to more freedom-Nancy Levin
When you are crowded by these intense emotional cycles,you may find yourself denying your feelings,always putting other people’s feelings first and ignoring your own instincts- all for the sake of looking good,being liked,or keeping the peace. We are systematically taught to look outside ourselves for validation,always caring what others think or worrying how they might react to us. This robs us of inner harmony,integrity, and self esteem. I want to show you my old programming and why it was so difficult for me to set boundaries.
My Old belief
1. As the woman of the house,I am responsible for everyone’s happiness.
– Being overly responsible for others is actually selfish,manipulative,and disabling.
2. My Old belief
– I can’t just think about me all the time
– Thinking about me isn’t selfish or self-centered. Setting healthy boundaries is a way to protect and take care of myself.
3. My Old belief
– What everyone else wants comes first;I will take what’s left. I’m not important. Its not okay to reveal my feelings if they rock the other person’s boat.
– Setting healthy boundaries gives me the right to state my feelings,stand up for myself and ask for what I want and need. My needs are often just as important as the needs of others.
4. My Old belief
– I’m only worthy when am doing things for others
– Setting boundaries shows respect for me and increase my feeling of self-worth.
5. My Old belief
– I come gift-wrapped and available for whatever you want and need. I am always nice and ready to please.
– By setting boundaries, I teach others how to treat me. People know what I will or will not tolerate. I am taking responsibility for the integrity and health of my relationships.
6. My Old belief
– Keep my head down and my nose clean. Get along with everyone. Its important what people think of me.
-setting boundaries at work,others learn to trust me. I feel more powerful,and my integrity is noticed. I know that being liked is not as important as being respected.
Love yourself enough to set boundaries, your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept -Anna Taylor
Setting boundaries has been incredible and my life has experienced a huge transformation.
Now I do not need to keep collapsing my boundary so that the people in my life will love me more. I make it a constant reminder that I am of more value to them when I love myself. I cannot give what I don’t have.