Love make request not demands. when i demand things from my spouse, I become a parent and he the child. It is a parent who tells a child what he or she ought to do and in fact what he must do. That is necessary because the little child has not yet come to terms with the realities of life. In marriage however, since there are two adults in the boat, equality should be the name of the game. If you are to develop intimate relationships in your marriage, there is need for the both of you to know each other’s desires. The way these desires are expressed is really very important. If your desires appear as demands before your spouse,you may likely erase the possibility of intimacy and will drive your spouse away. Knowing when to talk and how to go about it is crucial to having a blissful relationship with your partner. Infact, it creates an atmosphere for openess and sincerity.
If, on the other hand, you make your desires known in the form of a request, you are definitely giving guidance and not ultimatums.
I recollect few days ago,when i called my husband in to place a demand for a change in the children’s matress. I could see how tight his face looked. He did not bother to give a response and simply left the room. “I had passed the information in a wrong manner.” I mumbled those words while i sneaked back into the kitchen. And up till now, he hasn’t said anything.
When you make a request f your spouse, you are affirming his or her worth and abilities. You are in essence indicating that he or she has something or can do something that is meaningful and worthwhile. When,however, you make a demand, you have become a tyrant than being a lover. He or she will feel not affirmed but belittled. A request introduces the element of choice. He may choose to respond to your request or deny it, because Love is always a choice. For your partner to be the best you have ever wished, you have got to be more matured and humble in your approach. You must consider his feelings/mood above in that moment.
If in the long run,your spouse comply to your demands, it is not becuse of love,it is possibly an act of fear or guilt. He or she may decide to act inorder to avoid unnecessary trouble or disagreements. Inorderwords,a request creates the possibility for an expression of love,whereas a demand suffocates that possibility.
You must try as much as possible to look out for the happinesss of your marriage by improving on how you relate with your partner. Your words are shaping your world if you must know.